What It’s Really Like Dating Korean Men — According To A Korean Woman

Despite what’s shown in K-dramas and K-Pop that have become popular all around the world, the reality of dating a Korean guy can be very different. To make sure no one is fooled by the fantasy, Kelsey, The Korean, shared seven things to expect when dating a Korean guy, from the perspective and experiences of her foreign friends.

1. Relationship > Sex

Whether you’re a Korean or a foreigner, a Korean guy won’t make any sexual advances until a relationship has been established, if he’s serious about you.

[Guys] and girls both think that it is very unsuitable for you to have sex before you’re actually girlfriend and boyfriend.

— Kelsey

If a guy asks a girl out on a date, they “go out for a couple of very non-sexual dates.” Even then, “it’s controversial” how much physical affection is allowed, with some considering the mere act of holding hands as crossing the line.

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2. Hooking Up

While hookup culture is extremely popular in certain parts of the world, especially in western culture, one-night stands are still “a bit taboo” in Korea. Instead, hooking up immediately shuts down any possibility of a relationship.

It’s just a rule in Korea. If you just sleep before anything, you guys are just that. It’s really weird for you to go on to a date afterward.

— Kelsey

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3. Bad Sex Is Real

Since dating takes “two to three months” to get to know each other and make things official, the sex may not always measure up to expectations. It causes the dilemma of whether to stay in that relationship or move on to something better where emotional AND physical needs can be met.

It can be both good and bad. Good in the way that it increases the emotional connection, but bad in the way that, a lot of the time, sexual life is maybe really, really lacking.

— Kelsey

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4. No Going Dutch

While western dating can be fluid in who pays for dates, like splitting the cost down the middle, that’s not the case for Korea. Korean guys often pay for the majority of dates to stay in line with society’s gender roles.

They feel pressured that they have to pay for you because of the toxic masculinity and the man-box that exists in Korea. So in Korea, gender roles are still very rigid compared to a lot of western cultures.

— Kelsey

5. Dating = Serious

While some people date just to enjoy each other’s company, Korean guys do so with the intention of marrying someone or staying with them for a long time. “From the beginning to the end,” Korean guys treasure their relationships.

When you’re actually in a relatinship, they take it way, way, way seriously. I’ve heard some guys in their early twenties say that when they’re in a relationship, they think about marriage.

— Kelsey

6. English Is Rare

Although foreigners can travel around Korea rather easily, the majority of Korean guys aren’t fluent in English or only know the bare basics.

Even though Kelsey attends one of the prestigious SKY universities (Seoul National University, Korea University, and Yonsei University), she revealed that it was rare to find a Korean guy who was fluent in English if that wasn’t part of their major.

I want to tell you that 99% of Korean dudes can’t speak English, or [are] not that good at it, or [are] insecure about their English.

— Kelsey

7. Preferences

Because many Korean guys can’t speak English, “they are not used to different cultures and different ethnicities.” That makes the possibility of Korean guys dating non-Korean girls slim, unless they fulfill the fantasy of the western white girl.

There are Koreans that date and marry ethnicities that are other than white, but it’s a really, really slim chance.

— Kelsey